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Why does he put me down?
I guess, because I let him!


I always look for the good in others,
Why can’t I see the good in myself


Flipped out again into the silent treatment




Dec 3/92

I have been so angry with Fred. I am tired of the putdowns, his sarcasm, and his quick assessment of his ability to be right and know it all and everyone else is wrong.

I thought a lot and asked a lot of questions of those guys before I allowed the oil change and work to be done on the car and Fred blows me away with how I was taken. He was not there to hear what they had to say. He has not been driving the car! He did not know, he only thought that they took advantage of me. It is an old car!

Why does he put me down?

I guess, because I let him!

It came to me while I was out that I wanted to make and save money into our bank accounts to make him happy. But, no one else can make him happy or sad, only he can.

It is a big lesson to realize that we are all important equally.

I have let him and others walk on me and use me. Most of the time I don’t mind but I have had enough. I want our debts paid because I want them gone and not just to make him happy.

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June 8/00

I am so disgruntled. I have a right to be heard though. Fred is so silent again, refusing to talk to me, but if he would listen I would have to say that I am so tired.

I always look for the good in others, why can’t I see the good in myself.

I always give others the benefit of the doubt, it is time for me to do it for myself. I love myself, and I am worthy of love and respect. I harm none and deserve to receive the best. I am entitled to be free of anger. It is time for me to move out of my survival mode of compliance and servitude into dignity and self-respect! I do not have to walk on eggshells around him anymore! I can rock the boat if I want and state my needs and dreams and even tip it over if I choose, as I can swim! I love excitement and change and people and places. Could I be right?

As Fred has slipped back into his depression my weight has increased, I guess as a shield against all this hurt and loneliness.

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July 10/03

So, no dinner out tonight. I called Fred at work to ask if he would be home for dinner and at what time. Also I asked if he would be putting money over for groceries, and to call me to let me know. So, no call, - no dinner. I never was a game player. He wants communication. I didn’t see him yesterday. I try to make contact and he later accuses me of checking up on him. I wonder what he was doing as he says he is far too busy to talk to me during the day. He said for the record he had previously told me he would probably be home between 5-5:30, so there was no need for a call. Why is he acting so defensive? He welcomed my call at work the last time when I told him where I would be during the day.

He has flipped out again into the silent treatment.

There is no communication and he is making secret phone calls in his room.

Fred probably took offense when I told him to get the F out of my room when he said there was nothing wrong with him and nothing he had to be accountable for. Even telling him that it had all been documented meant nothing to him.

I really hate it when he pushes me so far that I am reduced to swearing.

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Lara Martin

LMBooks@privatemisery.com

Cell: (416) 727-2513

Office: (905) 814-8898

Change N You

Mississauga, ON L5N 2e1

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